no one to be found


photostudio_1465313797103the life of a child
should be emotionally mild
believing someone is around
not scared no one to be found
not afraid to move
or make a sound
i will never claim
my life was unfair
but to wish on someone else
i would never dare
my mother died
when i was four
from then
my problems would sore
my tears would constantly pour
i couldn’t keep score
of the many times
i was shoved to the floor
always frightened
to my core
wishing only for love
nothing more
i couldn’t bear
i had no one there
to be kind or care
they would only share
a voice to scream
possibly killing
my self-esteem
my home was abusive
the trauma became intrusive
my step mother was violent
she wasn’t compliant
maybe my father tried
but to his wife
he only complied
my neglect he couldn’t hide
he told the judge
i regretfully lied
and to the truth
he denied
and everday
i only cried
in the court
i would stay
only to be
taken away
never to trust
or be ok
didn’t know were
my head would lay
but always someone’s prey
i remember
the first day
driving in a car
it felt long and far
just another place
i had to face
how i was treated
was such a disgrace
all this experience
strong i’d grow
but my hardship
was always on the go
not fast or slow
just an on going flow
suppressing any joy
to a steady low
looking for something
i never did know
even a fake show
i was easy convinced
that my heart would glow
but like a switch
not to stay on
my light
would be gone
alone again
I would feel
my happiness
was there to steal
only learning
nothing was real
my only appeal
was their gain
leaving me with more pain
and never again
to give full rein
for someone
to be apart
of my heart
then a twist
i get a new therapist
more anger
to make a fist
more rejection
to cut my wrist
feeling weak
totally pissed
does her love exist
or does she only resist
though pathetic me
will sadly persist
it’s not just uncertainty
i want she
to loves me
yes, it would hurt a lot
if her love is not
or maybe so
it’s worse to never know
i wish she say
either way
her answer the
other day
was a safe play

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