perspective

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for your birthday i won’t give

last night’s negative perspective

with you i suddenly regress
maybe because
i can feel less
i don’t even feel right
wearing a dress
maybe because
i have no more success
it’s not that i wan’t to impress
being lost is my only guess
with no reassurance
i’m short of confidence
maybe this is why
i feel to cry
to much pain
i always want to die
but you make me believe to try
so i make my promise
and i wouldn’t lie
i do care what i wear
if i see your mom
off goes my alarm
with you no matter what
i feel always calm
and knowing your mother
mean no harm
for both of you
i have much trust
though with her
on my toes is a must
not because am uncomfortable
but worried about how able
i want to be in her league
nothing about prestige
i want to be on her level
otherwise take a shovel
and dig my grave
with you the way i behave
is like a child
my actions never mild
only really wild
with you i’m just me
your support amazingly
give me so much security
but i do hate what you see
i feel i lose all my dignity
with you i rarely
relate independently
and acting so terribly
only feeling like a baby
in the body of a lady
i know i’m in therapy
and you care tremendously
and all you say
is it’s ok
but is it really right
i act that way
speaking hypothetically
if our friendship was a possibility
you would never seriously
consider someone
who lacks maturity
if we didn’t meet
for psychology
and we met accidentally
the probability
is i wouldn’t act inappropriately
but where would i rather be
frankly most importantly
this is where i can’t think logically
all relationships to be healthy
are a give and take mostly
i really and truly
wish you could depend on me
but on the other hand
i have to say embarrassingly
and speak sadly
i like but hate
being in that dependable state
it never feels great
but it feels good
to be taken care of

i hope this is understood

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