please call me when you have a chance, thank you
I hung up politely
I was crying more than slightly
I didn’t know what to say
I couldn’t believe it right away
It stayed on my mind to penetrate
I will never stop to appreciate
though I must respectfully reject
I clearly hear the why’s and why not’s on the decision
but for me it’s all a contradiction
months ago I sat around a table with people I felt to trust
I asked a simple question with no fuss
heads nodded that all seemed to agree
the support of the conversation was not only by me
l recall that each administrator felt it could be a good idea given J’s history
I don’t want to make any enemies
but everyone was on the same boat
and now I am here left alone to float
the day of that meeting if I had to guess
everyone’s attitude was so positive I would of quickly said it was a yes
every child is an individual, and the program is designed to help them the best
it has been discussed with WB administration
and each of her hospitalization
she has been away from home from the age of thirteen
can anyone tell me for an adolescent what this could mean
for some kids they just won’t care
for Juliana it has been a vicious cycle year after year
I cannot stop to persist
I never felt the need to resist
I am sorry but in every situation and some more extreme others
I never reacted as I believe in the probability of different mothers
I feel very passionate for more reasons than one
I also know it can be done
on every policy WB was build it can’t be an all for one fit
well, we should all know that doesn’t go for autism, it’s quit opposite
if a policy is not doing complete justice, causing anxiety and harm
wouldn’t you want to embrace the problem with positive results and the person to feel calm
this is not made up, it is all realistic
it is in your data, part of her statistics
my daughter has come a long way and thank you is never enough to say
Juliana has serious issues some stay, others come and go
her anxiety about points and home does it exacerbate who’s to know
since day one she has fixated on home
it’s where she never feels out of place or alone
a child’s bond should not be vulnerable
but that’s happening using home to make a student liable
for all ages security is essential, your secure the most with family
what’s in the best interest for any youth, should and must come before policy
you don’t know me but rules are meant to be
I stick by them to the extreme
but if it is interfering negatively to someone’s day
and it is a rule that can be adjusted someway
so I think we need to talk again
and work some kind of plan
so there is the need to have another discussion
we look for alternatives without such complication
if there was a mandatory policy with points involved to attend assembly
but a student had server issues with sensory
would the child be held liable to attend
it is the normal trend
no need to have a PhD to understand anxiety comes before expectations
so what do we do ignore the obvious it only causes meltdowns and limitations
we are all here as adults for one propose to help all the students with the necessary skill
even if and when it is against their will
in my two years here I have been more than fair
there was no reason not to, I believed in all who truly did care
I am aware that you know how many times my heart broke when j and I spoke
I never thought to change any rule but after seeing a pattern it was clear
I am very strict with her even though she is my dear
but, this is not a game, it is a deep emotional strain
and reading her letters she is in deep pain
it is nothing of how she felt before she was ripped tragically from her domain
Juliana is not globally in three months seventeen
she still needs her hugs, loving, cuddles and kisses every day for sensory any security
so to continently worry about if she is going home or not has become her daily reality
it is immoral to use home to modify behavior it leaves no certainty, it’s left to a numbers list
this should be in 101 for a psychologist
it is spoken with all my respect and honor please don’t take me wrong
Juliana is an easy going individual and followed this policy for very long
do you think her behavior would just stray
because her policy of home visits went a different way
Juliana would be on board for any reward
let’s be real
how can she feel
she has been exposed to four people to trust and they each moved on
she has been violated twice and none of them were gone
I am her mother and it’s not about if you remember or forgot
all of this is imbedded inside me deep and tied tight in a knot
she is my daughter and I love her a lot
what will this all mean when she gets older
it might make her bolder
or the pain never settled and it lays heavy on her shoulder
these words might be in rhyme but I am very serious all the time
I won’t speculate if any one does or doesn’t relate
if no I am not trying to be cruel or unfear
and I know people really care, plus the things that are done are very important yet still it’s behind a chair
at fifteen my mother settled with an institution policy, all it left me at eighteen was emotionally bare
I wore the same shoes and felt the same feeling even at the same age
I don’t take this from a book and out of a page
it was a life time ago
and without me ever to know
it followed me every adult year
doesn’t Juliana have enough baggage to bare
way must everything be harder for better to become stronger
I definitely agree with that philosophy, but if not lazy wise might sometimes be wiser
that is all I can say without giving my childhood away
it’s not about me, it is about what’s best for J and getting it done
I have been an exceptional mother for my daughter and son
considering where I come from
I wasn’t fond of home as a reward starting with Dr. Wain I did complain
J was new so we’ll see how she’ll do
J has matured in many ways, but her emotional needs are still in the child faze
she is not a spoiled brat that needs to be pushed too separate and grow
when she is home on the weekend her kisses and hugs never stop to flow
when she is home she wants to be tucked in
and I love you so so so so…..much kiss after kiss on the phone we say again and again
she won’t say good bye to me on the phone she is afraid to be left alone
it’s ok to learn and be that chameleon when necessary
and when you’re done with your responsibility,
if you need a hug or squeeze that is important to be a priority
Sari Novack
love from my heart
peace from my soul

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