i gave my answer


you just wanted to make sure I gave my answer two days before I clearly said yes, I did not in any way leave you to guess I am not trying to be difficult, though to me I could, would or should take this as an insult in the kitchen you heard my diction you asked me a question and what you heard was my word so your follow up is quite absurd let use our imagination with a different situation you’re having the same event with close friends, are they the kind of friend that you rely on and depend or after they rsvp, you would call all the day before, just to make sure a baby shower, maybe that one has more power if you rsvp you definitely have to go as your responsibility because the excepting mommy needs thing after her delivery but would you fear that people don’t care and contact all to make sure the day before the wedding list and it is long I must be there, where I belong that was the reply on the rsvp’s that were returned similar to my reply “I should go after I fussed and was so concerned” the papers we talked about, and still with doubt then you said, if you decide to come e-mails me I though the first time I said yes I spoke clearly the second time I thought to myself really I specifically said I’ll be there what more does someone need to trust and hear back to the wedding list have you’ve gotten my jest I ask once more would you contact all your guests the day before just to make sure maybe you would, I don’t know though I certainly don’t believe so even most with anxiety or OCD we might get the argue, but would not purge it would be extremely rare to get a returned invitation and then the day before contacts them for a second confirmation why am I making a big deal because me Sari has things that are mine and real I always feel the need to protect them like treasure, so no one can steal when people’s actions are different to me than the rest of society it really does hurt me, maybe you don’t understand or can’t see it is not that I think it’s done deliberately or intentionally I also hope you don’t think I take everything so dramatically it’s just things that mean so much I can’t let go so quickly there is no closure or moving on unless I speak honestly is all about what belongs to only me and that’s my integrity to be asked over and over when I said yes my word means nothing, that to me is distress I never gave you a reason to think anything less it is important to mention as a women in the spectrum the tasks of blending in with a variety of masks can be overwhelming incredibly but I don’t like if someone touches what ultimately belongs to me Sari’s mortality, Sari’s integrity, Sari’s loyalty, Sari’s honesty, Sari’s dignity, these values are not pretend or to help me blend they are who I am inside and help me to decide they’re the reason I can love myself and express emotions hurt, anger then put them on the shelf I hope you know why I took this situation so seriously and why it means so much to me I hope after you read this letter you can call me so I know I can feel better I’m sorry I had to write this to you but it was something necessary for me to do I did call the office but no one was there I left a message just to inform and make you aware I still plan to come to the brunch but if we talk I’d feel better a whole bunch

love from the heart
peace from the soul

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